Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
