The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
