You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
