I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Your dad touched me again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
