and you said cock pushups were impossible
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
