I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
