Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
