I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
