youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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