That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
