It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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