its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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