It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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