you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
