Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
