I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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