I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
