I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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