My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
