I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
