Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
