The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Your face is a jimmy john
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize