I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
