the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
