dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
