Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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