I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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