Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
