Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
