It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
