I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
