the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
