Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she told me i tasted like america
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
