My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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