i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
