NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
