it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize