Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize