I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize