would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
