I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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