he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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