Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
