I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
