dude i'm inner monologue high
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
