3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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