You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
