I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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