he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
