I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
