coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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