True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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