if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
