When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
