I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
