I cannot find my penis.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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