So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
