just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
