Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
