once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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