you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
