i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
