u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
