if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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