The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm gonna fight the coyote
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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