Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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