Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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