Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
