idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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